Tonight I went to a bar in downtown, it was late, Wednesday, and the place was packed full of random people, as expected… after all, it is the Gaslamp, San Diego, the spring time… and I ended up having a conversation with the praised “Mystery”, author of “The Mystery Method”, recently featured on Conan O’Brien talking about his book and the art of getting gorgeous women into bed.
First let me tell you about Erik, stage named Mystery. He’s a tall lengthy liberated guy, black nail polished, pretty outrageously outfitted lengthy ‘bro’ with a knack for talk and definitely large following. He gets paid, apparently, to hold seminars for guys, wherein he teaches them (much like Hitch) how to pick up on women in a club/bar/wherever setting, and then they all go out and try their hand at simply getting laid, or hooking up… whatever.
Now, in the brief 30 minutes that I talked with this guy, I didn’t say too much… Something I learned a long time ago is to let the charismatic dig themselves into a trench so you can fill in the hole they’ve dug with a few small scoops. Oh! I’ve let on to my conclusion; I’m trying to remain unbiased, until I drop the hammer on this cat. Anyhow, he spoke for the majority, and of course the conversation was randomly interrupted every few minutes or so when he got distracted by a set of tits, or some random 2 through 9 scaled bar skeeze. During this time, he explained to me the meaning of life, which of course is “to procreate”, not in his quote, but in mine – I think he said “spread your seed” or “make babies” something to that shallow effect. It was pretty simple and quick to see that Erik appeals to the masses by over generalization, and associating to the common low-life. Before I start to gun this fool down; he made some interesting points about the primitive tell tale signs from a woman when you’re coming onto her… and he put it in terms of ape-like grooming; interesting analogy, but the hair flipping example was quite convincing… Not sure if I’d compare women to primates just yet, I mean, I’ve said my pieces about how shallow I think we’ve all become in our shop-til-you-drop society, but I’m not sure I’ve gone so far as to say we haven’t evolved from monkeys enough just yet to not act like them when we’re in a social environment.
So we were outside talking it up, and he tried to get me to go inside with him on the prowl, pick up a few “targets” and try my hand at his methods, I just looked at him. “You gotta be kidding”, I said.
“Oh c’mon man, this is why we’re all here. We go out to places like this to meet women, socialize, and put ourselves out there, using that inner pick up artist we all have inside of us…”, Erik replied.
I shifted myself from leaning against the railing with my left elbow, to my right, “Not all of us.”
“Why are you here?”, he looked perplexed, like it was the first time he ever came across a guy that was more complicated than a simple caveman out in the “field” looking to score a piece of ass from some shallow whore at a club on a weekday.
I leaned forward, “Simply to be here… home was boring”.
Now, I’m not sure exactly what this guy was thinking at this point. I mean, I wasn’t all that puzzled by why I would be at a bar in downtown, hell that’s where I go, I hang out from time to time at VIP spots, just to get a decent drink and talk it up with friends. Sue me. It’s like going to a coffee shop and talking philosophy with the people you’re with to have a good time. What fun is it going out with goals and agendas? That’s what work is for. So off he scampered, and he got about 10 feet into the door when he stopped at these two skirts, started to strike up some horrible conversation. “What nationality are you?” I looked at my friend and just laughed. Sorry, but unless you’re from San Diego, you might not get it. San Diego is the Mecca for all those “not from here”, and that’s the lowest level conversation starter you can pick. Maybe that was the idea, perhaps he so coy that he doesn’t need to try anymore, sure. It gets better.
So he comes back, 15… maybe 20 minutes later. I’m still standing outside, perched against the railing, leaning on my left elbow. I did what I normally do to people that lose my interest, I ignored him. For those of you that are reading this that have had the pleasure of losing my interest, you know exactly how that works. After a few minutes, I look over at his conversation with a girl from Guam, I know this because he used the same line on her as he did the other dame. And he brushes her off, to lean into conversation to me about the three stages of a pick-up.
I called bullshit in my head the second I heard him say it; but then again, the caliber of women he’s using his shit against aren’t exactly college level graduates, and if they are, they’re simply too stupid to realize what’s going on, and even more so, aren’t worth much if they fall for it. Maybe I’m too picky, perhaps my superiority complex is a little over the top, and then he asked me, pointing to my friend who was with me, “How long you two been hanging out?”
I look at my buddy, “Ten years?”
My friend replies to him, “Ten, maybe eleven years.”
“So is he your wing man? You guys go out and score often?” Erik pried.
My friend just looked at him and said, “No. We get women by talking to them like people”.
I’m not even sure the guy stuck around long enough to hear the entire sentence, but Erik’s friend (we’ll just call him Whoeverthefuck) caught it, and he was fucking boggled. “So… which one of you guys usually goes in for the kill?”
You gotta be fucking kidding me. Thank god I wasn’t in the mood to talk to this freak, or I would have had a field day, so my friend replied, “Neither of us, man, we just dominate.”
“Oh really?”, Whoeverthefuck said.
I just laughed and turned my back to the guy. My friend says, “Yep!”
Anyhow, a little side story narrative of my evening with Erik Von Markovik, the author of “The Mystery Method”. Just by meeting this guy, I’d say, if you’re into shallow whores without the ability to formulate their own opinions; who are codependent; and who are grotesquely predictable to the point of being compared to with apes… Get the book, its available on Amazon. I won’t be buying it, I believe in treating people like people with respect until proven worthy of otherwise; and I require substance in the relationships I build with others, not some formulated systematic three step process that’ll allow me to go plug holes in drunk chicks all night with my man-hammer.
Cheers, “Mystery”. You got my vote for one of the smartest idiots I’ve ever met. Congratulations on your successes.
Filed under: relationships
In any successful relationship, there’s a natural balance between two people. This balance, though not literal, could be represented by a balance scale – where in each person stands on their respective side, and then articles of that relationship can be weighed in. For example; take “Joe” he’s a stalker. Put him on a scale with who he’s stalking, we’ll call her “Jane” (Joe:Jane), and relationship items would look like this:
Thoughtfulness (100:0)
Emotional Attachment (100:0)
Attentiveness (100:0)
Appreciation (100:0)
Since Joe, here, is acting on impulses, regardless of reaction from Jane, he simply takes on every other aspect of his “relations” with Jane; and compensates (within his brain) for her lack of input. This is an extreme case, and not quite a relationship; considering stalkers are one sided psychopaths that don’t need any input from others to established … feelings, if you can even call’m that. But apply this to a successful relationship. Joe’s awesome and into Jane, Jane loves Joe with everything.
Thoughtfulness (50:50)
Emotional Attachment (45:55)
Attentiveness (55:45)
Appreciation (50:50)
Since Jane’s more emotional about things and Joe is given more opportunities to be attentive to her emotional states; including her attachment to him – he gets to the slightly more attentive one. Most males are more attentive (brain) than emotional (heart) anyhow; its no surprise that women are emotional, driven by hormonal shifts and have been even given a bad wrap, more often than not, for being illogical and irrationally controlled by them at least a week a month. In actuality, some women are controlled by their emotions and do act irrationally. God forbid if you ever have to handle one of these…
So; with that in mind you can imagine why relationships will fail. if the input isn’t 100% combined, then compensation will begin one way or the other. Example: Joe’s less attentive toward Jane for some reason; perhaps his attentiveness has been redirected to the new secretary at work. First off, if this happens, there’s another problem – being satisfied in his current relationship; or at least feeling as though he’s getting back what he’s putting into his relationship. There are two reason’s people start to stray from their responsibilities in a relationship; either the fault of themselves, or their mate.
Regardless, Joe’s attentive score within his relationship is now (35); and Jane recognizes this and tries to compensate by being inquisitive about what he’s doing and she starts to pay attention to his actions and actually overshoots the attention to his actions. Jane (75).
What you have now is (35:75); for you math inept, that’s 110, and chances are Jane’s not going to ease off if Joe’s pushing away, after all her emotional attachment rating is probably fluctuating as a result as well as Joe’s is becoming more distant, as is Thoughtfulness and Appreciation is definitely slipping:
Thoughtfulness (40:60)
Emotional Attachment (35:65)
Attentiveness (35:75)
Appreciation (35:65)
No matter how it’s scaled; there are a number of problems that are occurring. Once you have anything that measures outside of the 60/40 range you’re in trouble. And if you have something that’s over balanced, it will smooth itself out and cause more troubles. “Attentiveness (25:75)” for example; meaning Joe’s thinking about Secretary AS much as Jane now, and its only a matter of time before the domino effect gets into full swing, and:
Thoughtfulness (25:75)
Emotional Attachment (20:80)
Attentiveness (20:80)
Appreciation (20:80)
At this point you have someone that’s more that likely being cheated on; and though this is a specific case, there are many things that can cause this balance shift – “faithfulness” is the easiest subject to attack, since most people can relate to it. Most people, regardless of sex, will do one of two things in this situation; get angry and seek results, if they’re in over their heads on the output they’re giving without receiving any feedback – or they’ll simply make excuses for themselves and continue to compensate and over-compensate, pushing their “significant other” farther away, while allowing them to get away with whatever it is they’re doing to distance themselves from the person they supposedly are with.
Some people do both; they get pissed off and know what’s going on, but are strong enough and intelligent enough to ease the relationship back into balance using things such as forgiveness, guilt, judgment, and flat out punishment. Depending on how much these things are used will determine where the balance ends up; if it doesn’t completely break down entirely.
Anyhow, Joe and Jane, they started out with the best intentions toward each other, but what might have happened? All infidelity comes from a single point in any relationship, and it usually is present from the very beginning; Jane wasn’t what Joe really wanted or pictured himself with; Joe’s lower ranking in emotional attachment from the start was a result of him not really wanting to fully commit, and thus was more attentive to Jane – to see when and where he could make his break and start to look elsewhere… there’s countless things that could do this; but for my example we’ll go with the latter.
Actually, instead of turning this into a “how cheaters become cheaters” blog, here’s a few tips on how to make adjustments properly and a huge tip that will help everyone in a struggling relationship…
Huge Tip: If your relationship is on the rocks, its going to take communication and time… separately. If you don’t give the other person time to be their own person, you’re going to lose; and even more so, if the time has come to talk things out and all you can do is be upset and fly off the handle? You’re only going to push them away again… if you do that it’s probably what you want anyhow. Since you’re too frustrated with “what they’ve done to you” to actually want to repair anything, you just want them to know how you feel at that point – and that’s simply selfish. Regardless of what you think; selfish acts of emotional expression, no matter how good they feel at the time, cause irreparable emotional scars on yourself more than them. From a guy’s point of view; if someone’s getting heated over a situation or coming out of left field with something… you’re now a psycho that I can definitely live without. (so to speak)
How to adjust the balance: The numbers in my example aren’t a literal; and neither are the measurements. I mean, if I could sit here and label all the items involved in the balance between two people… well… lets just say that’d take too much space and time to compile that list. But, not literal… there’s no set number of “what needs to be done”; the speed of the relationship doesn’t always have to be 60mph, it can be 10mph and still be at a (50:50) or close enough to it. Think of the ratios as a percentage of the whole. The “Whole” is whatever arbitrary number you want it to be; or whatever it is measured, if you can do that.
Try to work with each other to make adjustments in the “Whole”. If Joe slows things down, then Jane should as well. If Jane doesn’t understand why, then TIME and COMMUNICATION have to be factors, give it time – for when talk is ready.
How to not make adjustments: If Joe is taking the speed of things from 50mph to 20mph, Jane might want to over compensate for that by taking her speed from 50mph to 80mph and just drive into a brick wall with Joe. This is what I call the catastrophic relationship traffic accident.
Good news is, people survive even the ugliest of traffic accidents; real life & metaphorically in relationships. Its all about how you recover. Unfortunately, the brutally ugly reality of things is; sometimes one person survives and the other doesn’t… in terms of relationship; this is what happens when being cheated on is moved into the equation… loyalty and trust issues fuck everything up.
Disclaimer:
The names and scenarios described in this blog are purely fiction and in no way do they reflect current affairs in my life or lives of anyone of my friends. Any similarities should be considered coincidence… As much as it is hard to believe that there are people out there that would make assumptions about this, as opposed to reading it for what it has to say; i guess it’s expected at this point. The new secretary at my work during the time of this blog’s release wasn’t even a female (shallow minded fucks); and no I’m NOT gay… People never fail to amuse, that’s for certain…
Filed under: relationships
i wrote this last year, and rightfully so; has been the first thing I post whenever I re-do my blog lists or start up a new one somewhere… Its been deemed not only extremely valuable; but also, strangely enough, uncommon.
So… what is a relationship?
Simply put, in the traditional sense, two people getting along with each other well enough to be with each other exclusively. That sounds great… in a MOVIE… maybe, and one that doesn’t star Sandra Bullock at that.
There’s all kinds of stuff that can happen to them once they start – simply fade away, things get “bad”, people grow apart, someone “better” comes along, people change, sometimes for the worse… that’s life, either you can deal with it or get rid of it, that all depends on the situation you’re faced with, hooray for “particulars”.
I’ve been in a few relationships in my day, some good, some not so good. They start, they’re great – the coined phrase everyone’s using these days is “the honeymoon period”, which is nothing more than you simply not knowing the person yet, and filling in the gaps with what you think you see, and hoping for the best. Depending on how distorted you are when facing reality? You’ll either be very surprised, very disappointed, or somewhere in between when that period is over. Fact of the matter is, when the beginning phases of a relationship are nearing an end and the “real” shit starts to hit the fan? That’s when you’ll pretty much (deep down inside) make up your mind of how much longer that person is going to work out, or if they’re going to be around indefinitely. It’s the shallow truth in everyone, but heart and mind cover most of that up, patching up those flaws you secretly hate… for a while.
So what happens? You sit there, in your thoughts, drowning in your feelings for the person you’re with, noticing the things, behaviors and characteristics that you might not care for too much, and maybe start to take these details in to consideration: Time investment, tolerance, compromise, sacrifice and (my personal favorite) future plans and wants. And you leverage them together to form the “bonds” of the relationship.
I’m speaking generally, so if this doesn’t apply to you, congratulations, Mother Theresa, you’re the new found Messiah and you can live in your perfect relationship, with your perfect life, and kick rocks onto someone else’s philosophy. For those of you normal people, those “things” you find out as you come out of the honeymoon phase, ignore them or not… weirdly enough, they always tend to resurface later, generally after the two year mark – if you’re a long term, tolerant, patient, forgiving and humane person.
This is when the theory of “love lasts two years” comes from. Pessimistic? I’ve been called worse, but that term is fairly negative and even more so – incorrect. This is simply being realistic. It’s not like I’m not stating anything you probably haven’t thought or felt at least once in your life regardless. Deny it to yourself all you want, if you want to write to me and say “no I haven’t”; go lie to someone else.
Does love not exist? I’ll never say that, ever. I’m simply outlining issues of compatibility between two people.
True love does exist, happens all the time, its fantastic. Do some people get lucky and hit it off with someone their first go at it? Absolutely. There are 7 billion people on this planet, the chances of meeting someone you’re compatible with, with that many people to choose from, are pretty damn high, actually. What about the rest of us. Some people think that working things through because of the [time investment, tolerance, compromise, sacrifice and future plans and wants] involved, no matter what the situation is, it is ultimately worth it, because they “love” them. … This distorted view of what love is needs to vanish. Absolutely none of any of those points have anything to do with loving someone. Sure, time might be a factor, but is it part of love? Not at all…
What Does LOVE Include?
Trust: Complete trust, earned trust, mutual trust. All factors of trust are important, and truly need to exist, and cannot be simply assumed, the need to just be there, not made to be there. If you’re a jealous person? Talk to someone about your confidence levels and ask yourself what your problem is, don’t take it out on your significant other, who is (if you’re truly in love) undeserving of it.Honesty: This goes hand-in-hand with trust. How the hell are you going to put your trust in someone, if you can’t even trust your own actions enough to share them with your partner regardless of what they are?Loyalty: First off, if you’re cheating – chances are you’re not with the right person to begin with. Love him/her all you want, you’re not satisfied in some way shape or form outside of simply sex. Being loyal to someone is as simple as not putting yourself in a situation where you can, in general. If you’re not satisfied and start to fill a “void” by looking around for a “side thing”? HA! You’ve already lost.Passion: Sex is important; sure, humans are sexual animals, with a little thing called emotional reasoning mixed in, which makes exclusive companionship healthy, and also personally satisfying. But passion is so much more than simply “doing the deed” to get your rocks off; its enjoying the other person’s touch, the way they smell, how they look at you, dress for you, and treat you affectionately and caringly… Sound sappy? Bullshit, everyone wants to be held every once and while without being engaged in some kind of fuck session, think other wise? Then blame your mother for not holding you enough when you were an infant.
Humor: You can not be with someone if you can’t make them laugh. You can be the un-funniest anti-social person on earth and still find a way to make someone laugh. Doesn’t mean you have to learn to juggle and find ways to turn your eyelids inside out… it just means, if being you at times isn’t humorous to the person you’re with? You’re not only boring and bland to them, but, you’re also going to be replaced by a television every possible chance and there goes my next point.
Communication: The number one downfall to relationships outside of money (which I’ll go over) is lack of communication and too much misunderstanding, misinterpretation, and created/fabricated crap. Every communications book on this planet will have at least one paragraph if not a whole chapter dedicated to the two most important parts of communication. First and foremost, listening. If you don’t know how to listen? Learn or die alone. Pick up a communications book from a college, search google for answers, I don’t care, figure it out, and practice it… truly. This cutting someone off mid-sentence, refusal of listening to someone’s statements, and all of the drama that follows can be circumvented if you simply sit there and shut the fuck up. Secondly, weirdly enough – expressions. Facial and body language, if you’re upset? Slamming shit about and acting like an enraged gorilla will accomplish one thing – more drama. Want a solution? Talk one out. Too pissed off to talk? Take a damn shower, a walk or sit on the toilet and read the paper for a few minutes or so to calm down first, then give it a shot.
Finances: First, money doesn’t mean a god damn thing, but how it is managed and worked with in a relationship – like a serious one? Is actually extremely important. Don’t think so? Try dating someone who’s addicted to gambling so bad they pawn your car to play another hand of blackjack. The game of money in a relationship is all about financial fairness as well as you can make it with what the two of you make. So… money is needed for love? Hell no; but respect for one another’s needs is. Needs need to be met, on both sides of the fence, in all fairness, to reduce the other downfall of relationships… the number one downfall – stress caused by perceived financial unfairness, not strain, not “we don’t got it”, but fairness.
All that spells out two things; respect and common-decency toward another person. It has nothing to do with how much time you’re with them, what you plan on doing, what you’re willing to “put up with cause he/she is good to you”, what you’ve given up to be with such person, etc. All those things are just that… things, and mean about as much to a truly meaningful relationship as what was on the Home & Garden channel last Tuesday night.Chances are, if you’ve made it this far through my banter and have ever been in a relationship or are still in one, you’ve seen all these things, and know they all exist at some point or another when with someone. How do you keep it going once you got it? Once you’ve found who you want to be with? Don’t get caught up in the shallow ends of the situation. If there are with someone who has things you are unwilling to deal with? Communicate and discuss them to that person, or start doing an injustice to your relationship, and watch it deteriorate. Living with hidden opinions and sacrifices as a result of those opinions will not only eat you up on the inside, it will make your bond weak and your relationship fragile. It will also cause unnecessary stress on the one thing that’s most important to everyone, your heart.
